A Letter from Minecraft

PS From Minecraft

After I saw the giant floating concrete dougnut, things started to get really weird. The locals started getting really excited, pulling me this way and that, dragging me off on a whirlwind tour of all 'the major attractions' to be found in Minecraft. A lot of them were still under construction though, such as the Museum of Natural History - that was just a lot of empty hallways and a tree growing in the lobby. It still pretty though and the curator, Journeyer, said he was planning on having all sorts of biological and botanical exhibits.

Make sure you show the picture of Journeyer (below) to Clive, by the way - he'll love the Boba Fett costume he was wearing. Why was he dressed as a Star Wars character? I have no bloody idea.


The museum was situated in the downtown district of Minecraft, which curiously had a lot of skyscrapers and empty lots, but not much else. There was an Apple Store there too, but I just classify that as another empty lot. There was a theatre, but there was nothing much on - just a blonde man in a mankini who ran around shouting 'Kebab or Shag!' over and over. I assume it was some weird Minecraftian performance art - personally I preferred looking at the giant doughnut than this lunatic and his wobbling man-sack.

I'll say this for the Minecraftians though; they know how to have a good time. Once I'd got away from the lime green spandex-clad lune I was shown around some of the theme parks. There was one which had a giant water slide that included a jump over a big pit of lava! I was really excited about that and naturally assumed it would be safe and all that...so I was a bit shocked when the boat I was riding broke apart immediately after I landed!

Health and safety obviously isn't a big concern in Minecraft - I asked if there were any rollercoasters, but was told that the carts kept breaking. I don't know what scared me more, the dismissive shrug with which he admitted they kept breaking or the fact that he called them 'carts'. I opted to have a look around the Royal Maze (designed by Princess Stickeh) instead of trying the more adventurous rides. The King told me the princess built it herself by laying everything out just a couple of feet high, then adding height when it was done right. She even added a glass platform above it.

When I eventually found my way out of the maze I was promptly and forcefully escorted over to the local football stadium. The horde of architects who were accompanying me told me that there was a game on, but it turned out that the Minecraftians had an even odder take on football than the Americans - there were no uniforms and the ball was square and made of rock! Still, at least they kicked it around using their feet, which already makes it more football-esque than a game of hand-egg!

Anyway, I hate to end this so abruptly, but I'm literally about to be dragged off somewhere else. I'm still having trouble with the local dialect (people keep babbling on about cheesecakes, demotivationals and all this other stuff, for some reason), but there's talk about some new building site? Some big city they are making, called Minas Tirith?

See you when if I get back!
Joe

PS:
Thanks to: Stickeh (and his little sister), Panomama, T_Coz, Elliot_O, Bahgger, Kebab or Shag, Jamie, Journeyer, peterfazekas, Canon, hjkoster400d, SMC8788, Ploo94, BLC, Heh_, Xtreme_Machine, Rat1Sully, Stewb, alpaca, deathtaker27, BLC, cobalt6700, ElderMatius and all the others who have been using the bit-tech Minecraft server.

For more information on the server, check out the thread in the games forums. There's loads more stuff on the server which we unfortunately didn't manage to squeeze into the article - such as the awesome 9,000+ brick mega bridge.