The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest

Marks and Spencer Xmas Pudding Cheesecake

T: I can feel the pounds piling on - I feel like I'm about to have a baby. What’s next?

R: The super-expensive Marks & Spencer’s one.

H: Marks & Spencer's Christmas cake cheesecake. This is cheesecake!

J: It looks mouldy around the rim. It’s like yellow and leathery on the top and then white and creamy inside. No mum jokes, please.

R: Marks & Spencers Connoisseur Range Christmas pudding Cheesecake, “Rich, festive and deliciously creamy cheesecake made with Christmas pudding and brandy on an all butter shortcake base."

H: And topped with a metric tonne of fruit. It did have two chocolate holly leaves on it too, but Jamie ate them before we started.

J: The cluster of prunes and stuff on top reminds me of a loose bowel movement.


H: It does not look good, no.

J: Per 100g serving is 36 percent of your RDA of fat. 25.1g of fat per 100g. A quarter of this is just fat.

T: Christmas pudding cheesecake is an awesome name though. Don’t you think?

J: No.

T: Don’t you like Christmas pudding?

J: Nope, but you don’t like cheesecake either. (Or not that one I made anyway – Ed)

T: No, but I like Christmas pudding.

R: The biscuit is so hard I can’t cut through it!

H: The cheesy bit isn’t very gooey…that bit is actually very crumbly! There’s fruit in there too.

T: Yeah, yeah. C’mon. We want some.


R: That’s disgusting!

J: That is horrible!

H: Yuck!

R: It just tastes like…like mouldy udder!

T: That’s quite nice, actually... Not!

J: It’s got the texture of Wensleydale that’s been left in a damp basement. It’s all grainy.

H: Like a mature cheese or something, yeah. The cheesecake-y bit is actually more crumbly than the base. I’m not having seconds of that.

J: I’m not having firsts. Here, Rich. You have mine.

Richard retches.

H: Only the Morrisons ones are doing well so far.