Energy Drink Roundup

Jola CX2 Passion Fruit

Manufacturer: Wet Planet Beverages
Typical Price (UK): £2.60 (inc VAT)
Typical Price (US): $2.25 (exc tax)

Clive: So let’s move onto the next one.

Rich: Hang on, open the passion fruit one.

Harry: [grunts] [depressurising pop] They are resealable, these cans though, so you don’t have to drink it all at once.

Rich: Urrgh! Smells like… a sweet… whatchacallit? Hmmm, have sniff, I can’t think of the sweet that it smells of…

Clive: Oh yeah, like Refreshers of something?

Rich: That’s the one, yeah.

Clive: Right, pour us out some shots of that Harry.

Harry: Shall I use new cups? Can you cope with the same cup?

Clive: We’ve got spares…

Rich: Urgh, that’s disgusting…


Clive: [Laughs] That’s the jolt cola still though.

Harry: Rich really doesn’t like that Cola!

Clive: I dunno why you had to finish it…

Rich: I just felt the need to…

Clive: [Laughs] there’s no pressure!

All: [laughter]

Clive: [at the passion fruit jolt] Aaarrgh, it looks luminous yellow!

Harry: It’s like Mountain Dew yellow…

Clive: It doesn’t look healthy… that’s not a natural colour…

Rich: [reading ingredients] Artificial flavour.. oh, and natural flavour!

Harry: It smells better than the cola…definitely better.

Mark: Yeah, it tastes better too. That’s much better!

Clive: It’s like powdered sherbet or something, the taste…

Harry: That’s not terrible…

Mark: It tastes like those….y’know you get lollipops – those generic, flat circle lollipops? Like the dentists used to hand out? That’s what it tastes like…

Harry: Mmm, yeah.

Rich: Yeah, it’s lollipops, that’s exactly what it is.

Clive: There’s not a lot of flavour there though, is there?

Harry: I don’t think the flavour is the point though, it’s all about the chemical contents…

Mark: Whether it’s drinkable or not, it’s still gonna get you wired anyway if you nail the whole thing. But at least [the Jolt Passin Fruit] isn’t gonna taste like crap while you’re doing it.

Harry: Apparently it’s energised with all sorts of crazy stuff… Taurine, guarana, ginseng.

Mark: I one heard that taurine was bull’s sperm…

[Giggles]

Mark: It’s probably not true…

Clive: I don’t think it is, no.

Rich: That’s the kinda thing you hear at LAN parties that someone passes round – d’you know what you’re drinking? Yeurghh! By the way, that pizza you’re eating, I used to work at [LIFTED] once, right…

[laughter]

Clive: That’s shredded cat on that, yeah! Num-num-num…

Clive: Right, so that’s the jolt passion fruit. Not particularly offensive…

Harry: Not particularly impressive, not wonderful… But sure the caffeine content makes up for it.

Mark: If you’re gonna buy Jolt, though, and you’ve got a dislike for cheap cola (which most people do) then the passion fruit will sort you out.

Harry: The passion fruit is the better flavour, definitely.

Rich: What’s the caffeine content in there?

Clive: I don’t really know, it doesn’t say on the can. Shall we go for…. Lots?

Rich: Yeah, cus I’m feeling pretty crazy already…

[chuckles]