Goat Simulator Review

Meanwhile, the world itself is designed to tempt you into obliteration. A main road with heavy traffic running along it divides the rural and urban areas, tempting players into playing chicken. A construction site is dominated by an enormous crane which screams "climb me", while a man sits at the end of it, dangling his legs into space. There are slides and trampolines that let you...ah... 'experiment' with the ragdoll physics. There's even a low gravity "research centre" which you can break into and wreck. For science, of course.

The appeal of Goat Simulator is obvious, and of course it has some ability to amuse. Ever since Max Payne 2 combined Havok's technology with liberally-placed explosives and poorly-stacked chairs, the slapstick potential of physics engines has been clear. The difference is Max Payne 2 was also a rollicking action game, whereas Goat Simulator is a glorified technology demo with a broken physics engine.

Once you've explored all four corners of the world, licked a few people and blown up a few cars, you've basically seen all that Goat Simulator has to offer. There has been a cursory effort to make it feel more like a game. Your actions in the world are tracked and scored, with actions like performing a successful forward flip or staying in the air a certain length of time being rewarded with points. It's like Tony Hawk, if Tony Hawk had only one map and fewer than ten tricks for you to perform.

There are also a few secrets and Easter Eggs scattered about the place, with the opportunity to unlock various other types of goat. Taking part in an illicit Goat fighting tournament will enable you to unlock a more musclebound goat, while doing nothing will eventually unlock an "angel" goat. Yup, there's a reward for not playing the game. Revolutionary.

Of course, you might argue that Goat Simulator is deliberately rubbish, that it's all part of the joke, and that's fine. But purposefully creating a bad game as a joke does not suddenly make the game brilliant, just like ironically watching Tommy Wiseau's The Room doesn't transform it into an Oscar-worthy picture. Fleetingly amusing though it may be, Goat Simulator is still a dreadful game.

And that's really all I have to say on the subject. So rather than pad this review out further, I thought I'd offer you something to do with goats that is actually worth your time. Follow this link to the BBC Good Food website for a fine sounding goat curry, courtesy of Masterchef's John Torode. Hopefully you'll enjoy this more than I did Goat Simulator.